I remember the first time it hit me. I looked in the mirror and tried to see the difference but I couldn't see anything notable. So I decided the next day during playtime to coax all my friends to all line up in the mirror so I could get to the truth. Was I what they said I was?
And then it hit me. Staring back at me was the cold hard truth. I was darker than all the rest, I was a dark skinned girl. This single event has been instrumental in shaping the person I am today.
Growing up dark skinned atleast for me was very emotional. I was constantly told how dark I was and of course I always noticed the cute lighter skinned kids get treated better. I don't know if they were actually treated better as I was peaking through the eye of an emotionally scarred child. But to me it seemed they were.
I remember my Kindergarten's nativity play, I had wanted soooo bad to play the role of Mary. Teacher Susan's hurtful words still come to mind "Mary was a muzungu, so a light person should be Mary". At the age of five I was told my skin was not good enough to get me the starring role despite my talent. Bruised. Hurt. Forgotten. I moved on.
Back at home, the most common joke told was how my uncle thought I should be hidden because my darkness would scare off the neighbours. I laughed too, but boy did it hurt.
I learnt quickly enough that I was not pretty and that boys wouldn't want me because I was too dark skinned.
At 14 I had a need to belong. To be accepted. So I started to bleach my skin. I liked this new Kuda. Her face was not so dark anymore and her arms were almost beginning to look like the colour of her mum's arms. I was excited. But deep down I was scared. Scared of who I'd become if I continued. Would I look like Bana Queen the chitumbuwa lady with her red patches on the cheek? Or will I look like Beyoncé ( Like the product automatically came with a long flowy golden brown weave pssh). I quit it and I was back to being plain old dark Kuda.
I grew out of that phase and met fellow darkies during my university years. This gave me a heap of confidence and even though I still get bouts of "I am dark so I am ugly" syndrome, I have learnt to love me.
However, my mind always races to that moment in the mirror. If someone had not pointed out my darkness, would I have felt that it was a bad thing? At that tender age I knew nothing about skin colour and its influence on beauty. All I saw were my friends and I, little girls without a care in the world oblivious to the shades that exist.
Suppose we start to tell our children from an early age that they are not ugly they are just a different shade of beautiful. Suppose dark skinned models graced more covers of magazines what would that tell our little girls? Suppose the dark skinned girl got the starring role and the light skinned girl played the best friend?
My point is we need to create a culture that is all inclusive regardless of our shade. And if we push this into mainstream media quickly we start to adjust the mind of people and these very ones will impart a message to their little girls. That they regardless of their skin colour are beautiful. That they possess a skin colour worn by Kings and Queens. That theirs is an inheritance to cherish.
It is time we re-wrote the story of the dark skinned girl. The stage is set let her finally become star of the show.
