Clarity-a sense of being clear. Those few words have engulfed my mind this entire week. Now let me emphasise I am NOT at some confused state in my life neither am i confused about who I really am. However, the clarity I wish to achieve is related to my goals and dreams but most importantly to the relationships I have cultivated or thought I cultivated.
I recently had a conversation with a good friend from varsity. She asked "do you know so and so is now engaged" I did not know this and I mentioned it to her. I was a little hurt that I did not know that "so and so" was now engaged because in my mind she was my bestfriend. However, when I pondered over his fact, I came to the realisation that "so and so" had become nothing less than a stranger to me. We had not spoken in so long and could hardly maintain flowing conversation when we met. Then it hit me, "why am I holding on to something that has been lost for forever?"
I realised then that I was investing resources into dead weight. I was using words and phrases that did not fully correspond with the reality on the ground.
Needless to say I started a stocktake and boy was it eyeopening. Not only did I realise that my 'best friend' and I had nothing in common, I realised that my favourite uncle wasn't even my uncle. So then I decided it was time to clarify my life. No longer was I going to put precious resources into relationships that were literally failed states. Instead I was going to focus and re-channel all that precious energy into nurturing the relationships I already had that were blossoming. No longer was I going to spend my life as an inbetweener you know in a state of being there but not quite there.
However, I have also started to take the clarifying process a step further and henceforth I am extending it to my social media persona. I realise now the person I am is an aggregate of the different people I surround myself with and to a large extent this includes people I interact with on social media. Therefore I am now clarifying those relationships putting them in their place. I am also purging myself of people on social media who drain me. How many times have you ever complained about someone's status update or their inappropriate photos? Do you realise that the time to waste on complaining could be channeled into something useful. Now I respect people's personal space and hence I realise I can not control their actions even on social media but I can control MY actions. Consequentially, the relationship between me and the unfollow/unfriend button has developed. I have also decided to put a buffer on my social media life and my personal life. I can not share everything I am on social media because I realise I enable people with a canvas on which they can depict me however they please. And I will not give them the satisfaction of doing that. This process has taught me an overlooked truth, I am responsible for ME therefore I engineer my goals, dreams and ambitions.
A huge part of the achievment/realisation of my goals and dreams is the link they share with the relationships I hold. No matter how self-assured you are, people will always shape your life, which people is entirely dependent on you.
Now before I face lawsuits I am not encouraging the use of middle fingers or hate filled texts. Sometimes these people have not done anything necessarily wrong. It's just that the relationship has not worked out. It happens some people are meant to be forever and some are just there to fulfill a certain need. That is the cycle of life.
So I urge each and every one of you to embrace clarity and start to really re-evaluate the relationships you have and consider if they have turned to dead weight.
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